Trapped

I was answering an email last night. I'm afraid I was a rambling, barely coherent wreck. The question of do I stay or do I go had come up.
Can I be more effective as a trainer on the side of the horses I work with? Or will I be more help jumping into the pool of equine rights advocates?
How do I make enough money to live in either direction?
My economic reality jumps up and bites me in the butt on a regular basis.
I've thought about building a business going to peoples houses and helping them with their horses.
I've thought about going to Mexico and taking Polaroids of tourists on the beach posing with my iguana. I don't have an iguana, but I'm guessing I could find one.
I've thought about just getting a job.
Of course I've become bossy, independent, and unsociable over the years.
Anybody want to hire me as their receptionist?
I saw a man I used to respect showing his horses last month. They were beautiful. They were perfect. They scored way high.
Every one of them walked out of the arena visibly lame. One was so bad (a national champion) she was immediately hustled to the trailer. The other two were 4 year old derby horses.
Nothing was said. Not by the judge, the spectators, the other competitors. Neither did I. I truly would be shut out forever if I opened my mouth. Yes, it makes me ashamed.
My horse was snorty, fresh, fairly obnoxious. She was sound though.
She'll settle down and behave as the season goes on, but you get the picture. I am not going to ever be competitive with that other trainer. Or the others at the top.
I spend my days wallowing around in the middle of the pack. That does not bring in the clients.
I have learned a lot about what not to do to horses. I'm still learning what to do instead.
I have watched many a clinician. Lots. Trust me. I like a bunch of what they do.
I use a lot of it.
It doesn't give you success in the show pen though.
I also noticed that after watching enough of these guys a common thread shows up. The basic premise seems to be the same with all of them. The only difference between them seems to be the style of hat they wear, or whether or not they wear their pants tucked in or out of their boots. Or how much cool braided leather stuff is hanging off their horses.
Oh, and most of them seem to claim the invention of whatever their current system is.
Come on guys.
So where do I go from here? I'll let you know as I figure it out.