Monday, June 29, 2009

Mouthy Mondays

This post is from the Shanster, it is a little sad and she told me she is worried about becoming whiny....I didn't see it at all.

I had a regular blogger and contributor say she has fun with the open discussions. If you guys think it's a good idea I'll get one started once in a while on Mouthy Monday.
I'll throw out a topic and we'll all run with it. What do you think?
Anyway, here's Shanster....

My first horse experiences were really solitary. My parents were divorced and my mom moved to CO after custody was awarded to my Dad in NE. That was a really weird thing in the 70s especially because my sister and I were 3 and 5 yrs old respectively. It was a particularly bitter and angry divorce and we lived in two different foster homes while it was decided which parent we'd live with.

We were in suburbia and I was a horse crazy. I watched The Lone Ranger religiously every Sunday and I loved Silver. I checked each and every book from the library that had anything to do with horses over and over and over and over. Reading and re-reading and re-reading again. Horses were my escape.

No one I knew had horses or rode horses or even liked horses all that much. It was a very, very rare treat to be near horses, see horses or touch horses. I had mostly books, pictures and my imagination. I didn't have a bike but I had my legs for "riding" all through the neighborhood.

Mom promised me a horse when I turned 13. I was hopeful but not at all sure it would happen.

Miracles can happen as it turns out. I was 13 and I found myself with a palomino paint pony named Pal. Mom somehow found him, bought him unseen and boarded him at a stable, also unseen in NE because she lived in CO.He was a GREAT first horse and a GREAT escape from the anger and violence that filled my childhood. Dad would grudgingly drive me out to this stable 40 minutes away once a week and leave me there for the day. I brought food, drank out of the hose and hung out all day.No one taught me how to ride. I just did. It was enough to climb on and go! I learned the very basics from a group horse class with other kids I went to when I visited Mom in CO over the summer.

No one in my family could do anything to me when I was with my horse and no one would dare hurt my horse, he was too big! Which makes me laugh now because he was small, but to my Dad, he was big enough. Horses offered me safety. They offered me escape. Even in the cold NE winters, I would still spend the day at the stable where I would hunker under the heat lamp hanging by baling twine in the tack shed with several barn cats while I waited for my ride home. I was happy.I couldn't talk about my horse at home because it was a huge sore spot between two warring parents. None of my friends understood why all I wanted to talk about was this horse either. They made fun of me for it in grade school and complained how boring I was because my horse was all I ever talked about. I'd bring friends to ride with me every once and awhile but it didn't always go very well. Horses are big and scary to other people, even the small ones! No one ever seemed to have as much fun as I did. They would fall off and instead of getting back on, they cried and told their parents. I was terrified Pal would be taken away from me.

I didn't understand why nobody else didn't want to ride them or how they didn't enjoy everything about them like I did. The furry coats in winter, the smell or Repel-X in the summer, the manure, the hay, the leather, the soft noses full of whiskers....

I learned to guard my horse habit like a little jewel in my heart. Or maybe like gollum with his ring.... yessssss my precious!It was against the norm in NE to ride English where my horse was stabled. There were a lot of older men who rode Western and gave me a hard time about riding English. I'm not sure why I decided to ride English? The very first lessons I took were on my second horse, an Appaloosa named Macintosh, with the money I earned from a paper route. I had outgrown Pal. My legs were too long and it was out of the question to own two horses.

I would ride Macintosh over the dirt country roads to a saddle seat barn I found miles away from the stable. I learned about leads and diagonals and posting. I bet the instructor was wondering what in the world this girl in a hunt seat saddle on an Appaloosa was doing in her barn full of Saddlebred horses! I didn't know Saddle Seat was a different kind of English riding at the time. I thought English was English.

As I got older, I earned money from an after school job and I could drive. I paid for lessons from this woman named Nancy who was from WV and had studied under Danny Emerson. I'm not sure what she was doing in NE or how I found her? She didn't stick around that long and moved back East after a year. She worked with me teaching hunter/jumper lessons and a teensy bit of cross country jumping.While she was around, I basked in her knowledge and my riding improved. She was of the school that didn't use artificial means to make you or your horse correct - it was you, the saddle and the bridle. You worked it out. No artificial training devices allowed. I practiced jumping cavelletis piled together in a corn field with stubbly corn stalks sticking out of the ground over and over and over.I went to a few local NE shows with Nancy. I did well. I won ribbons and I was even complimented! It was wonderful.I broke my leg in a bad car accident just before going on an organized mock fox hunt with Nancy so I never really did officially get to experience cross country jumping. It was a Sunday when I broke my leg. I remember because I was busting my hump to get home from the barn in time for church when a drunk driver ran a stop sign behind a hill. I didn't have a stop sign and I hit them head on. I was flown in a Flight for Life to the hospital. I woke up in a hospital bed naked with an oxygen mask, a neck brace and a cast from my left foot to the middle of my upper thigh. I had no recollection of the accident. My clothes had been literally cut away from me and were resting on a chair next to my bed. My first thought was "Oh! They cut my boots!" The tall, black boots I'd just finished lay away payments for. They cut them right down the side... not even on the seam!

I was in the hospital for 4 or 5 days and I was desperately trying to figure out exactly how one might ride in a full leg cast. If I could just figure it out, maybe I could still go on the mock fox hunt? I left NE and moved to CO when I graduated high school to be closer to Mom and to go to college. CSU had an Equine Science program and I was wild with the disbelief there could be such a thing and my Dad was allowing me to go.

By then, the habit of hiding my horse love was ingrained. I would bring one or two college friends who were more horse oriented out to see or ride my gelding occasionally. (He's the gelding I still have who is now 30+ yrs old.) Mostly I listened to their stories of pony club, and about all the horses they rode, the shows they'd been in, the lessons they'd had since they were tiny, their family ranches full of horses, their friends with horses who they'd ride with, the ribbons they won and the knowledge they had. They all knew so MUCH! I knew so little. Each person told me how I should be riding. Then they'd get up on my horse and ride him the way they thought he should be ridden and it wasn't always right.... but I wanted people to like me and I came from a home where you did NOT voice your opinion, you were NOT contrary and you simply did NOT EVER rock the boat. EVER. shrug. Sometimes I had a lot of fun and other times I wished I hadn't brought anyone out to see my horse.
I met a woman I'd heard was a good trainer when I came to college. She taught Dressage. I sort of knew was Dressage was ... the more I learned, the more I really enjoyed it. There were no artificial training tools, she helped to increase the natural ability of each particular horse. Never mind what type of horse you rode... you didn't need an expensive horse or a fancy horse. You worked with what you had and she let me clean stalls in exchange for lessons. Today, I'm 38 and I train with the daughter of the woman I first found in college. I have horse-y friends and we go to local shows together. We support each other. We console each other when a horse is injured. We meet to watch horse videos and talk horses while we drink Colorado microbrews. We go to clinics together. We cheer each other on in our victories. I'm married and my husband unconditionally and completely supports my horse habit. He doesn't ride but he is always, always ready to help from the ground. I have a big, wonderful, supportive, horse-loving family!

Riding and Dressage was always more of a private goal for me. Even now I compete against myself and I try to improve my riding for myself and my horse more than any other reason. I suppose I'm not very competitive because of my solitary start, but I'm absolutely giddy and grateful to be a part of this happy horse filled life I'm in now. I wouldn't have it any other way.

My horses bring me joy. When I have a bad day, they sooth my soul. I don't know what I would do without horses. Even now, I worry about a day when I am too old to ride. What will I do when I'm in my 80s?!


  1. What a wonderful post. I can very much relate to this - even now, there are only a few people who understand my love affair with horses, and I'm far too close to 40!

  2. me too! I to am a "solitary" rider and am only competitive with myself. I set goals for me and my horse, and am happy when i reach them, its not about the ribon, trophy or saddle for me, its about reaching the goals I set for me and my horse.

  3. Thanks for your post Shanster, I enjoyed it. I, too, loved horses growing up but had too many siblings to afford riding lessons. I occasionally was invited to go out with friends who did have horses and those rides were what fueled my passion for horses. I remember each and everytime I got to go ride. I never took a single riding lesson till after having my first child. My husband sighed when I told hom I wanted lessons for Christmas and refused to ask for anything else. He knew what was coming, and sure enough a few kids and years later I found enough time to get my first horse.
    I still think about horses all the time, like a horse crazy kid. Thanks to Mugwump's advice I have been working on pluggy Tucker and we have made some real progress. I now look forward to going out to ride and enjoy working on this goal or that. My trainer can now put younger kids on him in lessons because he's listening much better these days. It's awesome to see the work I've put into him actually making a difference, makes me want to strive for more!

  4. Shanster - I have made a plan for when I'm in my 80's. My little colt Leland will just be hitting his 30's and my yellow mare will be heading toward 40. If I can't ride them I'll pet them, if I can't pet them I'll remember them.
    You'll probably still be in your 50's or 60's then, so you can visit me at the home, wheel me out in the sun and talk horse with me. Please plan on wearing your barn boots so I can smell them....

  5. Shanster, great story. I'm so glad you turned to your love for horses in a situation in which a lot of kids would have turned to much less healthy coping mechanisms.

    She's not in her 80s yet, but Julie Suhr her husband is 82 and he still rides. Here's a link.

  6. I plead heat stroke Julie Suhr is 76 and her husband is 82. She is an endurance rider. Her horse is prettty insirational as well.

  7. Love this post!!
    I can definitely get in touch with the none of my friends understand my horse habit idea of it.

  8. You go girl! I have a friend who is in her 80's and still jumping. I'm 50 and plan to go out with my boots on, preferably after a great ride on a friends X-country course.Horses keep you young

  9. "What will I do when I'm in my 80s?!"
    I'm not a soothsayer, but my bet is you'll still be riding, and joyfully too. :) Connie Reeves rode until she was 101.

  10. Great post Shanster. I can totally relate. Horses were my solace growing up, too.

    I'll tell you what I'm going to do if I make it to 80. I'm going to toddle down to the barn morning and evening to feed, just like I do now. I'm going to sit in the shade under an oak tree and watch my horses socialize, just like I do now. If I can climb aboard a gentle one and ride, that's fine, but I'll enjoy them almost as much if I can't. I love living with my brings me joy, just like you say.

  11. I love your stories - horses were a refuge for me when I was a child, too - and they still are! I never had a riding lesson until I was almost 20, and didn't ride much in a saddle until then either. At 80, I hope there will be horses within touching and smelling distance!

  12. I loved your story Shanster! And it wasn't the least bit whiny.
    I am sure that the horses will be there in one form or another for you and the rest of us horsaii in our 80's.
    Hey, it might even be the easiest way to get out and experience nature; our legs and heart might be bad, but our horses can carry us!

  13. Isn't it something to be part of a horsey community?

    When I'm in my 80s my mare will be in her 60s, so I figure we'll both be hanging out on the front porch drinking apple cider.

  14. Thank you shanster for the willingness to share your story and to mugwump for making it part of todays adventure.

    I had much of a similar experience with limited lessons and learning to ride myself by the seat of my pants, the obsession of horse books, stories and my imagination. I was so desperate to have and ride a horse I stole rides on the neighborhood horses when nobody was looking. Horses were my escape from abuse and hostility, the horses understood and listened when the humans in my life didnt.

    And as far as being in my 80's and riding, my dear Mother in Law is 87, she lives in canada and still rides competetively.... TEAM PENNING!

    She hauls her own horse and lives alone, she kicks butt and has more buckles and halters than you can believe, she and her team recently placed 3rd out of over 100 teams...... so don't write off riding.

  15. Shanster,

    What a great post, you made my eyes "sweaty". :)

  16. I talked about horse so much that in junior high there was one girl who would tease me and say I would probably marry a horse some day. One day I said that unlike her, I didn’t believe in inter-species relationships. That shut her up for a while :)

  17. A friend of mine's dad recently rode in a "Century Ride", a dressage test where the combined age of horse and rider had to be a minimum of 100...too cool...there's hope for all of us!

  18. Oh good - I have taken much comfort from the fact that we will ALL be out toddling around our ancient horses with our canes, walkers and wheelchairs!!

    And of course our horses will get us around, we won't have to walk what was I thinking?! :)

    Mugs, I'll be sure to wear my SMELLIEST barn boots to make sure you get the full olfactory effect...

    Cheers! Shanster

  19. No ponies for me as a kid. "Horse" topped my X-mas list for years. Apparently I stopped asking right as my mom was starting to crack. My family wasn't horsey.

    It was too expensive in CT, and too expensive in NY (long island), and so I didn't take any lessons until 3 years ago (I'm 26 now). I've owned my horse 2 years, I bought him after leasing him for a month and boarding him at the facility for 1 year for $1.

    Being a horse noob makes it hard to relate to a lot of other equestrians. Most people my age that ride started as children or at least early teens, and most adult beginners are women in their late 30's or older.

    I'm hoping to get more lessons (only so many bills at a time folks) and having fun at a show someday.

  20. Okay, I had to laugh at the part about you trying to figure out how to go on that fox hunt even with a full leg cast, the mark of a true horse person!

  21. I don't know Shanster but alot of the older ladies in my area started driving horses and doing competitive combined driving events. I always thought those mini's were awfully cute and you could groom 'em from a wheelchair, hee hee!!!

  22. Love the part about the boots being cut off with no regard to the neck brace. Great story, I am 35 and FINALLY have a few horse crazy friends like me (we talk and horse gossip for hours, LOVE it) and a horse of my own. Husband tolerates my obsession and will even pull the trailer occasionally. Great story, thanks for sharing :)

  23. Great post, Shanster.

    I didn't have horses growing up, always asking and wishing for my own pony :) Finally ended up some where I could have one and the hubby is supportive even if not a horse person. I wish I had a horse community to socialize with, but I have a hard time meeting new people so it's just my best friend, a horse board I'm on, and some times I go out and help out at a rescue in the area.

  24. Shanster, I'll have you know that I fully expect all of us to be riding in our 80s. It never occurred to me that we wouldn't!
    On a side note, isn't it nice to see all these supportive husbands in these posts? I'm lucky to have one, too...genuinely, truly lucky.

  25. Even today I dont have horse friends to ride with. Some I know have horses because they are just another recreational vehicle, or they ride with a spouce. Most people even today look at me like I am crazy for "spending all that time and money with hay burners" What do they know?
    Great story, I loved it and it really hit home. Good Job

  26. Shanster - Fanastic post. I so, so can relate. :)

  27. I am also a "solitary" rider. I just go to have fun, improve my ride, bond with my horses.

    This post was really good. I never got to indulge my horse love as a kid until I was about 10 and my parents divorced and my mom let me go to lessons and trail rides after school. I never got to have my own horse until I turned 27 and finally bought one. I had to hide my horse love for a long time and now a lot of my friend's can't relate to it since they aren't into horses but they are great and cheer me on. I have more trouble with the one's I ride with, so competitive while I just want to go out and learn and improve with my own rides.....and like you said they always like to tell you how they ride and what you should do.

    I have a feeling you will be riding well into your 80' worries there :)

  28. Shanster, maybe you'll be lucky enough to be like this old cowlgirl:

    I sure hope to be like her.

  29. Ahh Shanster - I loved your post. As for worrying about being old and still horsey? This is one of my favorite poems about that subject. (I wish I had written it but one of the horsaii 'sisters' did - that's all that matters) ...


    I shall wear turquoise and diamonds,

    and a straw hat that doesn’t suit me.

    And I shall spend my social security on

    white wine and carrots.

    And sit in the alleyway of my barn

    and listen to my horses breathe.

    I will sneak out in the middle of a summer night,

    and ride the old bay mare across the moonstruck meadow.

    If my old bones will allow and when people come to call,

    I will smile and nod as I walk past the gardens to the barn.

    And show instead of the flowers growing,

    inside stalls fresh-lined with straw.

    I will shovel and sweat and wear hay in my hair

    as if it were a jewel.

    And I will be an embarrassment to all

    who will not yet have found the peace

    in being free to have a horse as a best friend.

    A friend who waits at midnight hour

    With muzzle and nicker and patient eyes.

    The kind of woman I will be

    When I am old.

    An old horsewoman.

    ~ Anonymous

  30. the boot part made me laugh too. I had a concussion once, and they were going to cut off my boots! I have no recollection of this, but I was awake and talking. I was strapped in a gurney, with my arms down at my sides (good thing I don't remember as I would never be able to be strapped down and be aware of it!) My husband told me that, when they said they had to cut off my boot to check out my leg, my finger pointed up (remember, my hand was tied down but I tried pointing my finger at them, lol, and said "You can cut off my pants but don't cut my boots"! Great story, and everyone reading this is saying, yea you got a horse and you did a great job!

  31. This is a GREAT story! I love having horse friends that don't roll their eyes when you tell them yet another story about your horse!!!! I have a best friend I grew up with that is ALLERGIC to horses. I'm always inviting her to rodeos and horse events and she has to remind me she'll be painfully miserable. I asked her the other day "why are we friends again?" - I love her, and she'll be around for the rest of days, but I sure wish she understood.....
    I would DIE if I were allergic to horses!!!!

  32. SOS! Anybody?
    I have to book the stalls for the a stock horse clinic and I don't know how many bags of shavings to order. Mr. Eddie says he puts 6 in his stalls. Is that overkill (He has halter horses)?

  33. t_ochorsky, your friend could try a Bashkir Curly. They are hypoallergenic horses. Maybe your friend could at least pet one of those and smell its mane.

  34. t_orchsky- It's not so bad being allergic and obsessive. I'm not violently allergic but the barn people have stopped saying "bless you" everytime I sneeze, have stopped asking my why my eyes are so red, and have stopped asking my why I have little rashes on my skin (I break out in hives if I get touched by their saliva/snot [not sure which or why]). If I were violently allergic though... I'd be miserable as I'm pretty I was born with the horse obsession.

    Redsmom- in a usual box stall (10 x 12) I usually use 2-3 bags for starters. It's always been an adequate amount for my horses but they are not usually in the stalls for long.

  35. Thanks Onetoomany - I thought 6 sounded a bit much, but they are AQHAssociation halter horse people, so they can't get a scatch on their babies. Mine? Pfft! Tough!

    Any time I touch house dust I itch. I can't figure that one out unless the dust mites are biting me?!!! I hate it!!

  36. Shanster, loved your story.
    I am a different side of the multisided coin. I am a city girl (Detroit, Mi) and always loved horses. At 50 I fulfilld my 10 year old girl dream of getting a horse. And I got a passel of horse girl friends in the bargain.
    I am so grateful! One of those stick weilding cowboys taught me what a fantastic and unbelieveable relationship I could have with my Sonny. That horse even seduced my husband to the horse-side.

    As you say, there is nothing better than a time spent with horses (and horse friends).
    Turnig 60 in August. I figure Sonny and I have 20 more years, too.

  37. That is awesome! Horses really do help sooth the soul!

    There is an award on my blog for you!

  38. Seems to be a theme here...I too was the odd one out growing up with my love of horses. Not many friends. Now in my rebirth with horses, I still don't have many friends, but I don't mind going to my barn and just hanging with my horses. My mare and I are very closely bonded...she hangs with me while I clean the stalls instead of going out to eat her hay or pasture (she has that option the way my barn is set up). Just this morning we snuggled...I put my head on her neck and she put her chin on my shoulder. What a great way to start the day!


  39. I'm a lot more of a wimp than you guys, I doubt I'll be riding horses when I'm 80. I'm going to have a sweet brown donkey with a soft nose and impossibly long eyelashes. He can take me out for an 'airing' in a little cart!

  40. When you are in your 80's? Keep on riding! I plan on doing so. It can be done.
    Grand story. Thank you.

  41. "What will I do when I'm in my 80s?! "

    Well the guy I met on the trail last weekend WAS riding a horse...that sounds like a good bet if you ask me. ~E.G.

  42. It seems like so many of us can relate to your story. I have often wondered if there was a formula or recipe for horse crazyness. I was also a very lonely kid, and still as an adult have not found a horse riding community or friends. I would like to someday. The only thing that could make horses better is to share it!

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