What I Learned from Captain

Thanks for the input on the Regumate. I'm going to work with my hormonal little wack-job for the next few weeks. I'll take her to a day show this week-end, and to an AQHA show in June. If I haven't ironed things out by then I guess I'll cave to her owners and dose her back up.
It just tweaks me to think that the poor thing has been chemically altered since she was two. How can she cope with her emotional little self if she was never given a chance to learn? Isn't that like putting toddlers on Ritalin because they like to run around screaming? Oh yeah, I guess that happens.

What I Learned from Captain

1. Sometimes my ego gets in the way of my common sense.
Captain was dangerous. I have other horses to ride. A daughter to bring to adulthood. A family to make dinner for. A very healthy credit card bill that needs to be paid every single month.
I had no business riding that horse. He intrigued me. He was very engaging in a hopeless sort of way. I wanted to be the one who fixed him. I wanted to be right. It turned out I wasn't.

2. I need to trust my instincts.
I was afraid of Captain. I was working in an atmosphere that continually challenged every core belief I had about horse behavior and training. I felt incompetent because I couldn't get a handle on him.
Part of what makes me a strong trainer is the fact that I continually doubt my abilities. I constantly question every move I make, and worry that I could have tried one more thing and that would be the magic formula.
Part of what makes me a weak trainer is the fact that I continually doubt my abilities.
I should have listened to my gut. I was afraid of him for a reason.
Even when I had him riding well enough to let other people tool around on him, I never truly relaxed. In my heart I knew he wasn't right.

3. Not all horses deserve to be saved.
When a horse is willing to injure himself in order to escape what he perceives as a bad situation, his rider will NEVER be safe.
If he has no regard for himself, you can bet you will never cross his mind in a high stress situation.
The first horse I trained for Reined Cowhorse competition was more athlete than I was rider.
On one of our fence turns I lost my seat and started to come off. She stopped and waited for me to find my seat, and then continued down the fence. She was considered an extremely unreliable and rowdy horse. I trusted her implicitly. She always knew where her feet were. She always knew where I was.
Captain didn't know what planet he was on.
There are a lot of good minded horses that end up at the sales. There are too many people tying themselves to bad minded horses and losing out on the joys of owning a good horse. There are more horses than people who want them. You might as well go with a good one.

4. Horses can suffer from psychoses.
He tried to climb through a window with me on him. 'Nuff said.

5. All horses deserve a chance.
I believe this with all my heart. I will never regret riding Captain. My regret comes from letting it go on too long. Unfortunately I was really fond of the stupid bastard. I have notoriously bad taste in men too.

6. Just because I can ride them doesn't mean I have to.
Captain got me over (forever and ever) the notion that I had to ride every horse I have brought to me. I have finally learned to call the owners and say "Come pick them up." It took me years to get there. I even have a list of other trainers I'll send people to. I've lost a few customers that way, but none that I needed to keep.

7. If a vice has succeeded for a horse in the past, it can always rear it's ugly head again.
Captain was a bolter. Some will buck. Other's will rear or flip over. I have learned the hard way that you can think you have completely rid a horse of a vice. Captain had not bolted since the very first rides. Not once. Until he almost killed my friend.
If any horse feels their life is in danger, and if nothing else is going to make them safe, they will return to the behavior that they feel worked for them. I don't care if they haven't done that behavior for fifteen years. It's still there.
If you can't handle them at their worst, then you shouldn't kid yourself that you'll never see it again. Be honest with yourself and your horse.
Most horses don't bolt, rear, or flip over. Really evaluate if you can stay safe with one that does.

8. I can really stick a horse when I'm terrified.
Captain made me realize I'm a pretty gnarly rider. He tested levels of flexibility and balance that I hadn't tried for years. He pushed my patience to the limits, and made me stretch the boundaries of my training techniques. I still like to think he'll end up with the right rider some day. It's a shame to waste that floaty trot.