But I love her!

There are lots of horses needing homes. Lots. I often get going on what not to do as a horse owner. I work hard at being the best horse woman I can be, and try to land on the side of the horse as often as possible. I feel I set a pretty high standard as to what an owner needs to accomplish to deserve the hayburner in the back yard.
I know I push myself, and my students pretty hard with my expectations. I lost a potentially very big money client this year. I did it by challenging their motivation for owning a horse at all. Now another trainer has them that is better at making them feel good about what they're doing.
I could rant about the injustice of them not listening to me, or be angry at the clients for going where they can hear what they want to hear. I could be mad at the other trainer for playing their game.
Instead I'm evaluating what makes a person a good horse owner. I'm evaluating whether my standards are actually serving the horses, or my ego.
I have heard two truths over the years that base my core belief in how I need to manage my life with horses.
The first came from a very wise and realistic trainer early on in my open riding years.
The horse I was showing was a very stressed, over trained, ulcer ridden stud with no manners. In those days I was still thinking I had to prove myself. Which meant I would crawl on anything with hair. I automatically assumed anything that went awry was my fault, even though I had inherited this horse from another training barn.
During this five day show I had endured him dragging me across the arena, after a mare, when I dropped his bridle for a bit check. I was saved when a fellow exhibitor left his horse and helped me tackle him.
Throwing a hysterical fit and kicking a trail course to smithereens.
Mounting a mare WHO WAS BEING RIDDEN while his owner was warming him up for their non-pro pleasure class.
Bucking through every lead change on a riding control course.
I was sitting on him that night, watching the rest of the show, which was going quite smoothly without us, by the way. We were both too wiped out to fight, so I guess you could say we were in a peaceful place.
I was talking about him to another trainer, and was struggling to say something positive.
"He's just so stressed by all this commotion." I started.
"Stressed my ass." The other trainer said.
"This is how I see it. We feed them, vet them, float their teeth, groom them, and protect them from the elements." she added.
"We buy every gadget known to man kind for their comfort.
We have extended their live expectancy 15 to 20 years past what it would be in the wild.
If I decide I need them to go to a horse show and show for eight or nine hours because I'm an idiot, then they can damn well do it."
I never forgot that.
The other was from a client who had tipped a few too many one night at another show, many years later.
"This show stuff is just nuts." He said.
"We talk about horses that want to show, or like the spot light. Who are we kidding?
You know what a horse wants out of life?
Four things.
They want to eat, sleep in the sun, run on a windy day, and take as many big healthy dumps as they can possibly fit in."
I never forgot that one either. I call them the big four.
So what makes a good owner? In my mind it's one that gives their horse the big four as often as possible.
So a lot can be forgiven. Stupid mistakes. Bad decisions. Poor riding.
Remember, your horse will forgive it all if it has plenty to eat and drink.
I have a client who refuses to take a lesson. I have no idea why.
She has had me train every horse she has.
I have advanced each of them to a much higher level then she can ever hope to ride to. Only because she won't come learn how to ride them.
This used to drive me absolutely nuts.
It finally occurred to me that her horses could care less.
They happily sink to her level and motor her around where she pleases.
She will not extend one iota of effort to improve her skills.
She enjoys riding fancy horses.
She loves them, gives them plenty of the big four, and brags on them endlessly. They stay with her forever.
I consider her an excellent owner.
I have worked with owners who knew nothing about horses but still owned at least one . They usually show up, flustered, scared, and pretty belligerent. Their horse is almost invariably, long footed, thin and pissed off. I had one show up once with the halter on upside down. No joke.
I used to cop a pretty officious attitude. I shamed them, and made them feel like they didn't deserve to ride a tricycle, much less a horse.
Good for my ego, bad for business.
Bad for the horse.
Now I thank them. Ask them what their goals are. Gently start guiding them to giving their horse the big four. I try to remember, that no matter how difficult they are, they came for help.
I consider them excellent horse owners.
I had a client. The daughter owned a very talented, very fried little cowhorse mare. She was bought from another young girl that had won a lot on her, fried her brain, and proceeded to dump her on the clients.
They knew the horse was fried. They bought her because they loved her. They were going to give her a forever home.
I knew all this because they told me this repeatedly.
They decided to make her a versatility horse.
Makes sense doesn't it? She's too fried to compete in cowhorse, so let's add three or four more events. That should calm her down.
Their trainer tried to slow them down. She worked on their horsemanship. She put the horse in a softer bit. She did what she could.
I met them when they came to a cowhorse clinic I was the clinician for.
Their trainer recommended they bring me the horse. I got the mare for thirty days. They were very worried. They had never let one of their babies go to a trainer before.
They loved her so.
They brought the horse with an astounding number of supplements.
Blankets. Instructions. So many instructions.
I stressed the importance of them coming out at least twice a week during the thirty days. I felt it was vital the young girl learned to ride the mare as I worked with her.
We made out a schedule.
They cried when they left her. They loved her so much.
The next time I saw them was three weeks later.
They couldn't believe how calm she was.
"I've never seen her so happy!" Mom kept saying over and over.
I was a little confused. This mare was pretty dang grumpy.
We squeezed in two good lessons on her in the next week.
The mare worked well and the daughter was an excellent rider.
They took her home a week early because Christmas was coming and they wanted to make sure she got her Christmas Carrots. They loved her so.
The next time I saw them Mom was saying, "We could barely get her in the trailer. She hid in the barn when we pulled up. She chases us out of her pen. I hate that bitch. If you can't fix this she's going down the road."
Guess what?
I'm not thinking they're going to pick up on the big four.