Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Misdirection

A few months ago I had a knock-down-drag-out with my daughter. It was the kind of fight often seen in families, where old hurts and unspoken resentments jumped out, swirled together, obliterated the original point, and turned into a flying shit-show. Lucky me, we conducted the entire fight through text, so I had proof of how right I was.

The next day was therapy day, and I immediately began bitching to my therapist, Wonder Woman. I couldn't wait to rat out Clare, and triumphantly handed her my phone with the message exchange.

"Well, wait a minute," Wonder Woman said two sentences in, "you're every bit as bad is she is."

"Wait, what?" I said. "She was wrong."

"That's not the point, you let her pull you into arguments about everything except the subject at hand. You two got mad enough to quit speaking without ever getting the very simple yes or no answer you needed."

"She was still wrong."

"How many times have we been through this?" Wonder Woman said. "You two are masters of misdirection. You started bringing up old issues that had nothing to do with the matter at hand."

"You're supposed to be on my side." Petulance is allowed in therapy.

"This has nothing to do with taking sides and I am on to you. Focus on the matter at hand." Wonder Woman takes no prisoners.

I sat back and thought for a minute. Then I had one of those awesome break through that make all my years of mind untangling worth it. "This is just like colt starting, hell, it's like all horse training."

Wonder Woman put her head in her hands. "Mugs, you make me tired."

"No, this isn't misdirection, this is awesome. Just listen. Let's say I start a colt, or take on a problem horse, the key to getting things done is staying on task. If I want the horse to go forward, I have to keep that task clear in my mind no matter how the horse tries to change the subject.

"If the horse goes backwards instead of forward, I have to keep my goal of moving forward clear in my head and not begin dealing with the fact we're going in reverse."

"How do you keep moving forward without dealing with the backward?" Wonder Woman asked.

Ha! I had her!

"I just keep thinking forward. There's different methods, it's mainly getting the horse's feet going the right direction. If I keep my goal clear, the second I feel those feet take even a single step in the right direction, I can release the horse from my cues. Even if I release for a split second, it registers. Forward feet - good, backing feet - bad.

"What if the problem escalates?" Wonder Woman asked.

"Nothing changes. If the horse bucks, think about not falling off of course, but getting those feet moving forward will smooth things out a lot quicker."

"How would you apply this thinking with Clare?" Wonder Woman is pretty good when it comes to redirection.

"Wait a minute," I said, "this thinking applies to the dogs too. I can't believe If I'm working on a recall, I can't let the dog misdirect me with say, fence-running with the neighbors dog, it's about the recall. Or, maybe when I'm trying to clean up our heel work, if I stay focused on just a butt swing, and reward increments, instead of worrying about the entire picture, I'll probably get a lot more done in less time.

  "This will help me with Brockle turning his cues into ways to manipulate me. I've been so blown away by his even thinking of ways to using his training against me, I've been misdirected into not getting anything accomplished. Ha! The rat bastard. I can't wait to go work on this stuff."

"Well, you can go on ahead," Wonder Woman said, "we're out of time and you've managed to completely duck the issue with Clare."

"Oh really? Gee, I'm sorry. Well then, thanks and see you next week."

Wonder Woman gave me a weary wave of her hand. "Just go."










5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to describe how happy my heart is to see you writing again, thank you!

Redhorse said...

Some psychologists say the mother/daughter sister/sister are the most difficult to sort out. Be gentle with yourself, my friend. Imagine you are someone you care about and care for.

TeresaA said...

Wonder Woman is a saint. :) And the analogy to horse/dog training is a good one.

Heidi the Hick said...

How many therapists have had to listen to horse training analogies???!!!!

Unknown said...

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