Monday, May 23, 2011

Mouthy Monday

Here is a letter "sent" by one of Evensong's retired boarders to his owner a few years back. Notice the "bill" embedded at the end.RT, now 31 and still going strong, is the little bay in the middle, Kate is Evensong's dun overo, and Misty is her gray broodmare (now retired).

Hi! I iz RT--that stands for Royal Tardez--And I iz the bestest little Araben guy in town! An her iz the storie ov mah trip to tha toof doctr.

My auntie Laurie thought it wud be a gud idea for me to go to the toof doctr for a chec-up las wek. So, since iz ben a long timz since I ben in the rattle-box on wheels for a twip, on Fridaze, we practisd gettin in n owt. The firz 3 timz, she let me back out when I wantd, wich was pretty sun, cuz I nevr ben too crazee bout dem rattlebox tins, but then she asked me to stan there a bit, and cuz I iz so great, I did it. It wazn so bad--cuz then Auntie Laurie, she gives me sum grain foods! Nom, nom!

So Saturdaz morning at O-dark-thirty, out come Auntie Laurie and caches up my girl fren Mama Misty, and puts her in the rattlebox on wheels. Then it's my spottd grl fren Kate's turn, but Kate izn as good as me--she iz notty, and doesn want to go in the rattlebox on wheels. So Auntie and Kate duz sum baccin up and sum runnin in crcles, an finely Kate decides to be gud like the RT man, and she gos in the rattle box, and she stands quiet-like, whilst Auntie Laurie coms and getz me, RT, and I walk right in the rattle box, just to sho that silly spottd horsie Kate what good Araben guys do when they bein gud for the hoomin peoples.

So then we gos on a ride in the rattlebox, an I desid I gonna be gud, cuz I gotta set a gud exampl for the silly spottd Paint horsie, Kate, an I, RT, don dance, and I don sing, and I go right into the strange littl toof doctr house, that smelz like medisin, an I get the happy shot in mah nec and I all happy now. An I hardly care that the toof doctr is pokin aron in my mowf, and grindz on mah teef, an evn says I gotta floss bettr, whatevr that meens. An in the daz I in, I do her the toof doctr say somethin like my teef r in pretty gud shape for a Araben gent of my advancd maturitie. An then I, RT, getz to go stand next to mah spottd grl fren , silly Kate, while Mama Misty get her teef dun too! Then silly spotted horsie Kate gets to trt and trt around, to sho the teef doctr, who is also a leg doctr, that her funny boo-boo leg is duin hokay. An Im a lttl woozie, but not so woozie that I don worry when my grl frenz get dere turnz--I like ta hollr encuregemen to tem and tell tem to be gud lik me, RT, waz.

Wen we iz all dun with the toof an leg doctr, Auntie Laurie lodz us all bac in the rattle box and whiltz Mama Misty and silly spottd horsie Kate walk on hokay, I practly gotz to lead Auntie Laurie up the ramp, I iz so gud, an so reddy to gose back to my baby grl frenz Amy an Beth, at my nis barn wif the nis co-z doorz an the big pastur and the nis hay fudz. An wen we git there, Auntie Laurie saz I, RT, is a gud Arabin, an givs me sum grain fudz, wich I totly desrv, cuz I iz RT, the bestest Araben gent in town!

An Auntie Laurie say she gets to pai the leg doctr too bags of grain wurth of monies to find out that silly Kate's leg is hokay jus by lookin at it an not doin nuttin, but nuttin like Auntie Laurie and my big sity grl Bree and my little sity grl Crissy are gonna hafta pay for the teef cleanin! Cuz that camed to too hundrez and sixteens dollars, an I don no how much that is, but I thin it wud buy lots of grain fudz, but what gud is grain fudz if we hansumest Araben horsies cant chu themz? An I iz eatin grain fudz all the tim now, so my billz at Auntie Laurie's nis barn is goin ta be seventy fives dollrz now, but that not to bad for a sooper Araben guy like me, RT!

Anyhoo, thaz mah story of mah twip to the toof doctr. I cant wate for my nex ad-ven-tour!

I iz RT! The bestest little Araben guy in town! Bi-bi!


Anonymous said...

Okay that was very entertaining RT you rock!

Anonymous said...

I can't even read this :-(

Anonymous said...

I couldn't stand to read it, either. :-(

EvenSong said...

The trick to reading it is to drop all "normal" expectations of the English language. 8-D Just read it phonetically. I do the same with learning disabled writers, to understand what they're trying to tell me, without depending on their ability to write like we're all "supposed" to.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

That was too damn cute :D
I can read it fine, but then I'm fluent in lolcats.

deedee said...

evensong, i red it an lovd it. Hapy arabz mak me smil. Beeg toof dktr flap her.

TBDancer said...

Anyone here remember the book "Anguish Languish," fairy tales written in this style, by Howard Chace. Some of his stories are "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut" and "Guilty Looks Enter Tree Beers." Great fun ;o)

RT, yew iz duh mann.

Helen said...

" says I gotta floss bettr, whatevr that meens"

Phbbbbt! I can haz new keyboard?

Anonymous said...

I'm fluent in lolcats too. The best thing about lolcats is that it is great in small doses. If someone asked me to give a synopsis about what I just read, there is no way in heck that I would be able to.

For some reason I can't post under my google id.

mommyrides said...

Can't wait for your nex ad-ven-tour RT!!! Uz da bombs!!!!

Half Dozen Farm said...

It was a bit hard to read, but I managed and it was a cute story.

For some unexplained reason, RT has a toothless cajun accent -- in my head. :-D He sounds just like the firefly in the Disney movie "The Princess and the Frog". LOL!

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