Trainer Etiquette

This is an extremely interesting question presented to me by a young woman who has a regular reining trainer she works with. She has developed an interest in working with cattle and her trainer doesn’t have offer this area of horsemanship.

She went to a cow clinic offered by a nationally ranked trainer and then had a few lessons with another area cowhorse trainer.

This adventurous rider wants to know if it is appropriate for her to be trying out these other trainers or if she is “trainer hopping,” an ethical no-no in the horse world.

“What is acceptable or etiquette in the world of trainers and clients? Is it acceptable to train with more than one? Is it proper to disclose the trainers you are riding with to each other?” she asked me.

This is a funny problem. To start with, trainers are funny minded, often egotistical, and very insecure. I’m not accusing, I’m just telling you how it is. I can’t accuse, because I was right there.
Unfortunately we (trainers) let the green eyed monster show instead of articulating the problem and it colors the real reasons it doesn’t work for a client to “trainer-hop.”

Each trainer has a different approach for success. There are variations in riding style, horse care, shoes, expectations of horses and clients, how a program is built and how fast progress is made.

We differ in how we teach our riders to sit in the saddle, where their hands and legs are during a stop, a run-down or a fence turn.

I know I prefer to work one aspect of my event each ride. I work straight lines and stops one day, circles another and spins the next. I’ll work on different drills and training approaches, but they’ll relate to the aspect I’m focused on that day. The Big K works on everything every day while concentrating on one aspect specifically.
This affects how we approach our horses and students both.

I have ridden with a reining trainer who based his method on French Dressage. It has him putting his weight to the inside of his turns, circles, spins, and fence turn. I put my weight in my outside hip pockets for those maneuvers. Who’s right? Neither, it’s just what works the best for us. Again, our clients would be deeply effected by the difference.

The principals and concepts of riding are complex and difficult to grasp. It takes years. Switching around can be confusing. Trust me, nothing is going to make your trainer feel crankier than hearing, “Why do start your spins by driving them forward? I went out and rode with “Sexy Rex” and he had me back Fluffy into the spin.”

Why? Because the only answer many of us will have is, “Because that’s how I do it.”

It’s especially hard on us if the trainer is someone we don’t respect. It’s a big no-no in our world to talk smack about another trainer. I reserve the right to rat out an abuser, but I won’t disparage somebody who trains differently than I do. So this puts us in an awkward spot. We don’t want to spell out why you shouldn’t waste your time with Sexy Rex. It makes us look, well, jealous and insecure. Which we are.

There’s also the down time on your horse. If the horse trains with trainer A and then has to relearn with trainer B he will, but his progress will slow way down. He has to quit improving and relearn what he thought he knew. Same with the student. So everybody falls behind.

When you sign on with a trainer then you are signing on to learn his method. This can be a long commitment.

On the other hand, if your going to make this type of commitment it’s best to know what you’re getting into.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with shopping for a trainer or instructor. I never had a problem with somebody giving me a test run, either as an instructor or a trainer. I think it’s fair to ride with someone long enough to get a feel for how they work and how they get along with your horse and then move on to ride for a short while with someone else. My personal preference would be if I knew this was the deal, but I don’t think it’s a requirement.

If your trainer doesn’t compete in the sport your interested in there’s absolutely no reason to not go ride with someone who does. There’s nothing wrong with working for one expert in his area and another expert in theirs.

I think clinics should be encouraged. It’s a great way to see someone else’s game without threatening your relationship at the barn. If your trainer is too fragile to handle a clinic here or there, well, Wah.

There are also times when you have outgrown your trainer and it’s time to step up. This is a toughie, but a completely solid reason to move on.

I know a non-pro breeder who sends her paints to one trainer and her quarters to another, even though they both train and show paints and quarters. But one shows primarily AQHA and the other primarily APHA. So she places her horses where she thinks they’ll get the most benefit.

The biggest point I’d like to make is the need for clear communication. This is another area I have learned about the hard way. When I wanted to learn to cut I decided I wanted to learn from an actual cutter. In cowhorse we cut, but it’s not the same as NCHA cutting. It’s so far removed we call it herd work. I wanted to cut like a cutter.

I was worried about disappointing my trainer (also my boss), OK, maybe I was afraid he’d get REALLY MAD.

So I’d sneak off and work with my chosen cutting trainer when the boss was out of town.

Small problem. My trainer, boss and friend, knew the second he saw me cut I hadn’t learned it from him. See, we know every move you and your horses make. So he saw the imprint of another trainer. He probably even recognized who it was. I know I can recognize student riding styles and the feel of horses trained by the other reiners and cowhorse trainers I’ve ridden with, I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t.

I hurt my friend by sneaking off. If I had irritated the trainer and ticked off the boss by being admitting I was going elsewhere, it would have been a lot easier than seeing the hurt look on my friends face.

I was cutting pretty good though, I just wish I had been up front about it.

Splitting up with a client or trainer is never easy. Feelings are almost always hurt and tempers can flare. I’ve seen it blow up when people were up front and when they weren’t. So I understand it’s tempting to either get angry and toss somebody out, or to sneak off in the night. I still think it’s best to just lay it on the line when it’s time to move on.

I had two major splits with clients and two major splits with trainers before I retired.

It worked out amicably once and the other three times, not so much. Each time I gave 30 days notice and a clear explanation of why I was making my decision. Two out the three rough “break-ups” ended up with us all becoming friends again. The third has at least become polite.

So I guess my advice is this, tell your trainer if your riding with someone else and why. Don’t feel guilty. Give your trainer time to fix elements of your relationship that aren’t working but be prepared to move on if needed.

My next thought is, be nice, things happen.