Sonita/ Here We Are

Even at two in the morning the barn at a major show is always thrumming. The overhead lights stay on 24 hours a day and time becomes meaningless as the show wears on.


Horses look out into the barn aisles and whinny,to their stable mates, to the horse being led past, to their caretakers, to the huge, confusing world of eternal light.


Restless trainers check their horses and the nervous or flat out terrified ride in the half-light of the show pen.


I slipped into Sonita's stall and rubbed her hip, letting my scratching fingers search out her favorite itchy spots. She tweaked her tail in irritation and moved a step from me. She had pulled most of her feed from her feeder and stomped it into the shavings. Her head stayed buried in the corner.


My mare was sick of this place, we had been here a week, she was tired and stressed. She wanted out of the box stall, out of this noisy world that never let her relax, never let her sleep. I knew how she felt, I didn't know how many more nights I could spend in a motel room filled with the smell of dirty clothes, teenage girls, boots, dogs and assorted pieces of tack.


I leaned against her and pushed my icy hands under her blanket. I couldn't figure how it could be cold and muggy at the same time. The joy of winter in Stephenville I guess. Sonita sighed and shifted her weight from one hind foot to the other.

"Let's get out of here, you wanna?"

I grabbed Sonita's halter and tied it on. She plodded behind me, her head hanging, and lugged on the lead.

The foggy night air swirled around us as I led her out of the barns. Sonita threw her head up and drank in the clean air. Wide awake, she jigged by my side and her tail waved and snapped.

We walked back to the trailer and I dug out an extra horse blanket and my Carhart. Sonita kicked her heels in play as I lead her farther into the fields. When the darkness swallowed us and I could just make out the white of her face I stopped.

Sonita stood and looked at me for a few seconds before she dropped her head to graze. I snuggled into my Carhart and spread the horse blanket on the ground.

I lay back on the blanket and watched my mare graze. A kaleidoscope of images went through my head as I watched her. We had been through so much together. We had come so far. My squalling, nasty, bitch of a mare had gotten it together and channeled her incredible energy into where we were right now. It occurred to me I had learned to channel a few things too.

A brief ripple of fear ran through me, but the rhythmical rip and chew, rip and chew, as Sonita grazed in the dark made it easy to put tomorrow off until tomorrow.

She stepped by my blanket and snuffled my hair, making sure to leave plenty of slobber. I reached out to push her nose away and wrapped my hand around her coronet band instead. I could just feel a light pulse beating slow and steady.

I remembered to wrap the lead once around my hand before I slid into sleep. I dreamed of horses running.