Thursday, May 28, 2009

Me and the Big K

"I shouldn't be doing this."

Sonita was blowing hard after a tough work-out on the cattle. She had been fugly aggressive and had either snapped hide off the cattle or reared to strike every time we went into the catch pen to bring a cow in to work. The cattle were pretty used up and she had become a one-horse tent revival, determined to inspire every cow she was put on to give her some action or see Jesus. It made for a tough go.

"Shouldn't what, work these sour cattle?," K said, "The princess needs to work whatever cow she's given. It makes the fresh ones feel so-o-o-o easy."

"I know and so does she," I gave Sonita a half-hearted slap on the neck.

She pinned her ears and ground her teeth. Sonita made it clear if I wanted a fight she was ready to bring it.

"I'm talking about the World Show. I'm not good enough for this and neither is Sonita."

I looked K straight in the eye, I needed him to understand I wasn't whining, I was serious.

"What brought this on?" He asked.

The Big K was truly puzzled. The World Show was a month away and I hadn't flinched. I had been working my horse with deadly intent. My usual touchiness was put aside and I had taken every blast of his temper, every shouted instruction and every sarcastic comment in stride.

I had taken giant steps forward in the last few months and my mare was was tuned past any horse I had ever ridden, much less owned. I had found the entry fees for both me and the kidlet and paid them with barely a whimper.

I had become so focused even the Big K suggested I step back and take a breath. The only time I was working Sonita was twice a week with him. The rest of the time I put her in a snaffle and loped or went on a trail ride.

"Have you looked at who's going to be at this thing?" I asked.

"Of course I have," K's slow, easy grin spread across his face,"I do believe I'm the one who showed you."

"I mean, c'mon, Teddy Robinson, Bob Avila, Tod Bergen...I'm freaking out!"

"Why? They aren't competing with you, they have their own worries. They more than likely won't even see you go. I thought you were excited to get a chance to meet them." K was looking a little concerned now.

"I guess I am, but what if Sonita gears up like she is today?" I asked.

"I can guarantee she will if you keep talking like this. No wonder she's all over the place, it's not the cattle, it's you."

I sat back in my saddle and slung my leg over the saddle horn. Sonita craned her neck in the air and stamped a hind foot. She hated it when my weight was off-center. I poked her in the neck with the toe of my boot and she quieted into a sullen stand-off. Sonita wasn't ready to go to work yet and she knew we'd be at it if she didn't settle.

Normally the Big K would be quick to come up behind and lay his romel across Sonita's butt. He hated it when I sat a horse like that and was always ready to show me how much trouble I could get in if my horse bolted while I had my leg slung over her neck. On this day my belligerent glare stopped him.

I didn't want to tell him what was really bothering me.

Twice a month at my facility I ran a Cow Night. It was open to the public. Each rider was given 2 goes at four minutes for $25. I would help if requested and keep my mouth shut if not. I was protective of the cattle and made sure nobody got hurt.

I had a good crowd show up most nights. We had a lot of fun, tipped a few beers, got into some great discussions and for the most part learned quite a bit.

There was a couple who came to most of the Cow Nights. They were of the "keep my mouth shut" variety. The wife, Becky, had put a couple of nice horses in training with the Big K. She herself had not gotten much done in the show pen and was quick to inform us it was because of her bad back. She was proud of her horses and felt she could be a big help on Cow Night. To everybody. Including the folks who were there to work with me. As soon as Becky let off shouting non-stop instruction at her poor, green-rider husband she was quick to dive into everyone else.

I, on the other hand, was mildly resentful and extremely intimidated by her. She had been around cowhorse quite a while longer than I had and was extremely good at pointing out my inadequacies.

To be fair, my first years in the show pen had been pretty disastrous. My mare did not have a good reputation and I was affectionately treated by the trainers I competed with like their favorite mascot, Festus, or Roofus, or Blue Belle, you get my drift.

But I had slowly started to get a handle on my horse and the sport I was so wild to learn. I had begun to place, I had earned a little money and my students were becoming competitive. Most of the folks I rode with were happy for me and had quit treating me like the comedic relief for the day.

Except for Becky, who kept showing up at my Cow Night, every single time, full of advice.

I was able to ignore her for the most part, but she had really zinged one home the last time I had seen her.

I was having a rough night with Sonita. She didn't want to frame up, she didn't want to stand still, she didn't want to do anything. She was anxious and angry, lunging at the other horses in the warm-up and loping her circles with her head slung high in the air, her nose poked to the outside and her boogery eyes rolling every which way.

I knew this wasn't a night to work cattle and I was trying to honor the Big K's wish for me to lay off her.

So I pulled her down and walked her to the side of the arena and let her stand. I figured I could let her air up and just sit on her while I coached the other riders.

"I can't believe you're taking that mess to the World Show," my good friend Becky said as she climbed up the fence and made herself comfortable on the top rail.

I sighed.

"We'll do the best we can. It will be a good experience," I answered.

"Nobody around here understands why you haven't sold that thing," Becky said helpfully, "and to think you're wasting all that money to take her to a World Show."

"I'm honored to have earned enough points to qualify. I guess it will be all right," I was feeling bad and angry all mixed together.

Sonita shook her head and rattled her bit. I knew she was picking up my agitation.

Becky laughed. "You did have a lucky season. You know you're going against the Peters. There's no way you could touch either one of them in this lifetime, especially on that mare of yours."

Sonita squealed and struck the fence with a forefoot. The resounding clang made my little buddy Becky jump in the air and scramble to hang on to the rail.

I rode off and scratched Sonita's favorite spot under her mane. She was a good little Doberman sometimes.

I tried to act like Becky hadn't gotten to me, but here I was, two days later, riding with the Big K and working myself up into a complete panic. I also didn't think he needed to hear me bitch about one of his clients.

"Look K," I said, "Pure luck got us qualified. I can't hold my own with these people."

The Big K looked at me for a minute or two. I tried to hold his gaze but ended up staring at my saddle horn.

"You worked your way to the World Show," he said, "I would have told you if I didn't think you were ready.

"I'm not going to keep trying to talk you up," he went on,"all that ever does is make you disappear on me."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was starting to cry. Which immediately pissed me off. I could feel Sonita starting to tense again.

"When we first got the buffalo Little k (his wife) was afraid to work them," he said.

"I told her to pull herself together and work the buffs. She wasn't having anything to do with it."

"I don't blame her," I answered, "those things are pretty freaky."

He ignored me and continued on.

"She finally started bawling and just sat on her horse, not looking at me, no matter what I said. I told her it was fine and to put her horse up.

"After I had finished riding I headed into the house. It smelled wonderful in there. Little k had baked some cookies. I knew she was feeling bad and trying to say she was sorry. I grabbed one and told her, 'Honey, these are just great. I appreciate it. But I have a question for you. Do you want to ride and win cowhorse or do you want to bake cookies? 'Cause we don't have time for both.'"

"What did she say?" I asked.

Little k had a ferocious temper and an unreasonable love for her husband. I couldn't imagine how she'd respond to that one.

"What she said doesn't really matter," K told me, "I just want ask you something. Do you want to ride cowhorse or do you want to bake cookies?"

I looked back up at him. He sat there looking back at me, dead serious, waiting for an answer.

"I guess I want to ride cowhorse."

"Then go git you a cow."

I rode Sonita to the arena door and pulled it open. I ignored her when she skittered at the drag of a sliding door she had heard hundreds of times before. When I rode her into the catch pen she lunged at the first heifer she saw. I spurred her in the belly and cracked her hard on the butt with my romel.

She settled immediately and waited for direction.

I cut the ugliest, rankest, smelliest old cow out of the herd.

"C'mon Becky," I said to the heifer, " we got a show to get ready for."

Sonita shoved Becky into the arena and we settled down to work.


Kathryn said...

That was a very long and satisfying Big K/Sonita story ... although now I'm REALLY wondering how it all turns out ...

Laura Crum said...

Ooh, that one was really good. Kind of sad though, in some lights.
I really admire you for making a good horse out of Sonita. I do believe most people would have failed. She was lucky you she had you. As for of the prime reasons I gave up showing was people like her. And there are oh so many of them in the horseshow world.

Joy said...

First off, I have to say how disheartening people can be sometimes. I just don't understand why they throw the negativity around like that. I don't enjoy being around the "Becky's" of this world, that's for sure. Maybe inside she was ugly and insecure so making people feel bad made her feel better? No matter why, it's just ugh.

This was a good story. I too am looking forward to hearing (I guess I mean reading) what happened. I believe you went to the world.

Your little red mare reminds me of my little fat lame red gelding. love the red ones.

Albigears said...

These stories always seem to make me tear up. Maybe because they hit so close to home sometimes. When I was little the other kids would call my beloved mare "Fungi" because she was young and gawky lived outside in a pasture and was always covered in mud, mud that looked like fungus. It was impossible to get all of it out of her winter coat.

They quit laughing when she matured and we started beating everyone in the show ring. I hope this story has a similar ending...!

CaitStClair | A Peachy Bride said...

Thank you so much for writing this! It really is fantastic. I can't wait for the next chapter.

AKPonyGirl said...

Where's that "not worthy" emoticon when I need it?

Excellent story, thanks for sharing.

SOSHorses said...

OHHHH I just hate the Becky's of the world. They don't just appear in the cowhorse world. We have them in every discipline. I have had my fair share of why do you even bother, why do you worry about what your wearing, if your wanna win you need to get a horse, and on and on.

My "Sonita" is now 7 yrs old and has finally grown into her body. She is a fantastic horse and this year is our year to show all those Beckys. They can just shut their traps, cause I have a horse.

Sydney said...

you writing is like a never ending tease. I don't want it to end, I can't help myself wanting more.

Walk On said...

Tell Ms. Mouth to either put up or shut up. Something like "I'm not sure I can picture what you mean, here, take my horse and show me"

It's been my experience that those who can, do. Those who can't, talk like they can.

And if she knew so much, why didn't she get anything done before the "bad back"?

I have a bad back for real, but I can also point to everything I did before my car accident.

SunnySD said...

Just what I needed this morning, thanks!

LuvMyTBs said...

Love that you called the heifer "Becky" and turned Sonita loose on her. There are far too many Becky's involved with horses.
Reminds me of the old saying "with friends like that who needs enemies"

autumnblaze said...

Love, love, love that the oldest, rankest, smelliest heifer you refer to as 'Becky'.

Some people just don't know when to stop running their mouths. :)

lopinon4 said...

My Sonita craving is more satisfied...thanks, Mugs!! Hope to get more soon.

I hate the Becky's, too...and I agree, there are WAY too many of them! I would've offered to have her ride my horse. I truly believe you should never judge anyone's skill before you ride their horse.

Loved the part where Sonita scared her with her squeal/strike combo. (** evil smirk **)

Half Dozen Farm said...

Thank you so much for the Sonita story.

I just wanted to say that the only other blogs I read are Fugly and TB Friends and you are my breath of fresh air everyday. Joe's blog is especially heartbreaking today. After getting bogged down in the stories from horse rescuers, it's always a relief to click over here and just forget the tragedies for awhile.

I know that you sympathize with what is going on in the horse industry today, but thank you so much for keeping this blog light hearted.

mugwump said...

The Big K used to encourage me to find my anger and channel it into competition.
The Becky's kept me going. I couldn't really say much to her. She wrote big checks and was one of K's clients. It was left to the trainer to rein in his clients.
Of course now that I'm waiting to get my non-pro status back I can say whatever I want. Bwa ha ha ha.

Half Dozen Farm- Thanks. I leave the rescue stuff to those who do it best. I have gotten my paper involved in a local rescue that I support. Go Front Range Equine Rescue! But that's in my other world. In this one the horses are loved and the people who own them do the best they can.

badges blues N jazz said...

Another great story, and there are SOOO many Becky's in the horse world...sigh

Shanster said...

What a wonderful story!!! Thanks! Thoroughly enjoyed this read!!!

Justaplainsam said...

""I'm not going to keep trying to talk you up," he went on,"all that ever does is make you disappear on me." We sat in silence for a few minutes. I was starting to cry. Which immediately pissed me off. I could feel Sonita starting to tense again."

Ok now you have me started. I hate having deep 'training' talks with the guys that I take lessons from. I usually end up crying! I dont know if it is because we (meaning women) have more emotions tied up in the training and stuff or its just how my fustration comes out.

PS loved the pic of her and you (Im guessing) cant wait for more.

Jocelyn said...

That was an awesome story.

I hate the "becky" types. I have had my fair share over the years too.

Can't wit to hear how the show goes!

stillearning said...


I enjoy all your posts but the Sonita stories are my favorites.

It's so hard to keep pressing on to the next goal. All the doubts resurface instantly when you step up a notch. And there's always a Becky...
Good for you for pushing thru the doubts. Can't really picture you baking cookies much.

SillyPony said...

Though I take no personal offense to the new theme of referring to horse-world pukes as "Becky's" I'll admit it was a little weird to read all of your comments about how you all hate the "Becky's" and that there are too many "Becky's" in the show world. Odd sensation. Maybe that's why I go by "Rebecca." :)

Thanks again for the Sonita chapter, Mugs. Better than any book on my nightstand.

mugwump said...

Oops - I'm sorry Rebecca. Becky isn't even her real name.

Sharon McMaster, BSc(H), MLT, EMT said...

I love your Sonita stories. They always leave me sitting on the edge of my seat ... waiting to hear more!

gillian said...

I try to feel as much pity as I can muster for the "horse-world pukes" (or non-horse-world ones for that matter.) In my experience those that are tearing others down need to do so in order to overcome their own self loathing/doubt. Remembering that they tend to be sad sad people helps me take it all less personally.

Ponyice said...

I agree with Gillian, I think she is over compensating for something with her rude comments, hiding jealousy maybe. You and Sonita qualified for World, enough said. Own it. Now me, sober would have turned the other cheek shrugged my shoulders and rode off, however if someone said that to me after a couple of beers I would have ran my mouth off (understanding why you can't, big client and all)kudos to you for not bringing yourself to her level.

SillyPony said...

Certainly no need to apologize, Mugs! I was actually giggling when I was reading the comments. I've known my share of "Becky's" both named that and not!


LuckySC said...

You don't get qualified for the World Championship show by accident... you just DON'T. So Becky hit a soft spot and you let her dig her verbal knife in for a bit, but I'm glad that Big K helped you channel it.

I qualified for it in 6th place in the Non Pro Bridle in also in Novice Non Pro, my husband qualified for Novice Non Pro that same year, 2007. We didn't go to the World show, just too much $$ to do it, but we were extremely proud to have qualified.

Here's something else that I've thought about. You go to a big show, an AQHA show or the like... you have WP people who show in Reining trying for an extra all-around point. You have people run barrels and poles that aren't speed event people. You NEVER, not EVER have anybody show in Cow Horse who isn't a Cow Horse Competitor (I'm not talking about the limited, that doesn't count)

So to have qualified damn sure means a LOT.

And I can't wait to hear the rest of this Sonita story :)

Colleen Smith & Playin Pep

Michele said...

WOW I loved this. Makes me really question myself also.

Emily M. said...

I have a training question. My last question was along the lines of how do you prepare your horse for the first ride, but it was too big of a question. Well, my answer (as I found out) was do ground work while you wait for the trainer have an opening... get tired of waiting for the trainer to have time, and just do it yourself. So now that the scary part is over, I have other issues.

I am on ride 14 or so. I am just walking and working on stopping and steering so far and probably will stick with that for a while. The issue is that the steering is not coming along as fast as I thought it would. My greenie still steers like a freight train. What are some exercises that I can do to get him to "get it"?

Emily M. said...

Forgot to add that I'm still riding him in a hackamore that looks like a rope halter, but has some modifications. Somewhere along the way I also need to figure out how to change him over to a snaffle bit.

Redsmom said...

Hahahaha! That was funny (naming the cow "Becky." Inspiring as always. Do I want to learn cowhorse, or do I want to sit around feeling sorry for myself? You make me want to work on it, Janet.

Took the saddle to get it worked on. I can't wait to ride it and see if I like it at all. Its purdy.

Redsmom said...

Oh and as Miss Dee once advised me, if they are not paying your entry fee, its none of their business what class you enter.

LuckySC said...

Emily, wear spurs.
I know this might sound silly, but if you just touch with the inside spur, your horse will bend himself toward that side, and lighten up a lot.

I had a 2yo filly last year that was like riding a 4x4, she absolutely would not flex with the bit. When I started wearing spurs with her (on advice from a friend, not thinking it would really work) she really lightened up.

Accendora said...

It has been one of those weeks, and I keep thinking back to your post. Do I want to get through finals or do I want to bake cookies. Thanks for the post.

Amy said...

Thanks for the good story. :) Becky sounds like a biyatch who should keep her mouth shut. If someone wants advice, they'll ask.

HorseOfCourse said...

Good story again, Mugs.
I agree with Gillian, your Becky probably has some issues of her own if it makes her feel better by bringing you down. Her loss, not yours.
A decent person would have congratulated you instead having qualified with a difficult horse.

FD said...

Argh, I've met a few 'Beckys' along the way.

"I'm not going to keep trying to talk you up," he went on,"all that ever does is make you disappear on me."Rhetorical/ musing question: Why is it that so many women, (and it is women mainly in my experience) find it hard to hear/accept compliments and yet are struck to the heart by criticism, just or not? I'm one myself, so I relate.

HorseOfCourse said...

Mugs, I wonder if you could help me?
I had my horse's teeth floated a couple of days ago, and she has a tooth that is cracked and might have an inflammation behind. I am waiting to get an appointment at the hospital to x-ray and maybe remove the damaged tooth.
I need something bitless to ride with in the meantime.
I believe you Western riders have some options?
Can you recommend something?
If there is an alternative that both gives you "feel", i.e. transfers small signals and also functions well with regard to sideways/bending signals, that would be ideal.
The only thing I have tried before is what you call a mechanical hackamore and that is not an optimal solution to what I need.

mugwump said...

I sooo don't have time for this today, totally blame Laura Crum BTW.
Emily M. - I will post on this on Thurs. I promise.
redsmom- And if they do pay your entry fees be prepared to do lots of explaining....
FD- I know it's an enormous problem with me and it weighed heavily in on my success as a trainer.
HOC - I am not a fan of mechanical hackamores. A side pull works best for me on a horse who goes in a snaffle. I start my youngsters in one over a rope halter because it makes the transition to a snaffle seamless.
I know Sydney promotes a bitless bridle...but it's not my thing, so I would ask her....

HorseOfCourse said...

Super, I will try it out. Thanks a lot, Mugs!

Redsmom said...

Just an update while we're waiting on Laura Crum to free you up, Mugwump:

I rode my daughter's mare yesterday for the first time since she got back from the trainer and got her teeth floated. My daughter is at camp and I promised to keep the mare tuned up. LOL. Wow, is she fun to ride! She wasn't spooky at all like she was when we first got her and she's got a sweet little lope which I didn't ever try out before. The only thing she is doing wrong is when she's in a lope she does not want you in her mouth AT ALL. She doesn't want to be steered or stopped. But, all she does is toss her head when you bump bump bump. I never felt like she was going to run away. I'm a big scaredy cat and she didn't scare me. She took up a steady pace and she wanted to keep on the path at that pace. I wanted her to slow down and when she wouldn't, I tried to circle her off the 4-wheeler path into the field. "No"! she told me. She eventually stopped, sloppily. I really don't mind the not slowing as much as I mind the not steering. I think she is still adjusting to carrying me. I weigh about 170 (too fat again! It keeps coming back!!!!) while the kidlet only weighs about 100 and Ms. Dee probably weighs 80 lbs. Should I just work on big circles at the walk and trot till she gets her balance with me?

mugwump said...

Redsmom - Practce your walk and trot AND get in her mouth. If you ask her to do something she has to do it. So if you ask her to slow down and she tosses her head you have to stop her and back her. Add one more maneuver for every one she doesn't perform.
As you walk and trot ask her to give to one rein then the other, left, right, left right. Don't back off if she tosses her head, but on't get stronger, just make her do it.
You only want a little give, then release and ask again the other way.
Check in Thurs. I think the exercises will benefit your mare too.

littledog said...

My real name is Becky, so I believe I can provide some insight into the mindset of some of us Beckys:
We are very competitive, but have a lazy streak that leads us into making excuses (such as "bad back") when we don't achieve as much as what we feel we deserve. So we try to twist the competition by gaining a psychological advantage over the other competitors. We feel the most threatened by competitors who have worked a lot harder and shown more potential than we have, so we choose them to play our nasty mind games upon.

That said, I realize your self-appointed nemesis is not really named Becky--and I will continue to try to NOT be like her--I'd rather identify with the rank, nasty-smelling heifer anyday. Go, Becky-the-Cow!

focusgrasshopper said...

I love reading your stories, especially about Sonita. She reminds me of my gelding, Tank...and own son of Tanqueray Gin. He was such a prick, but I couldn't get enough of him. *sigh*

autumnblaze said...

mugs - I'm having a similar issue with Gator as redsmom on her daughters mare. Except on the trails, when he spooks. Yeah I know, we've covered it but this isn't about the spook, it's about the stop.

If he gears up to the canter he still steers but the whoa um, seems to be ignored/misunderstood. He steers just fine and doesn't remotely offer to unseat me.

In fact we were flat out running through some very muddy sharp turns (against my will) a few weeks ago (first major spook in a loooong time). The path isn't very wide and circles weren't possible - so at times I actually was better off just going with his speedy departure from the area to avoid a major slide in the mud.

I think I may not give as much (as in squeeze release squeeze release - though usually a single squeeze, if that, is all that necessary) on the reins. I'm sure when he's running like hell, and not stopping when I request it, I'm not relaxing my body/legs as I should. If I'm not giving he may think I'm just asking for collection (he is used to a good deal of contact in a collected canter/sittnig trot). I need to improve on all that but my issue is with how.

How do I work on practicing the stop when he's spooked and off to the races. Now, if it's minor, say he just picks up a trot, I can easily calm him.

We practiced walk, stop, trot, stop, canter, stop. Immediately after he took off that day(and I had more room, stopped him) and he settled, we did it and he stopped on an exhale. Same in the arena next ride. It was all, as per normal, very calm and controlled though so... it's different when he's stressing about a monster.

Do I just practice on the trails? Even there, as long as he's calm it's just relax, exhale and a squeeze. Do I just need to repeat it more often?

I am going into the BIG field near the area he's worst (surrounded by woods inhabited by TONS of deer) which that area of trail he worries most goes around. We tried it last ride in the evening and the deer were out in droves. He is fine if he sees them but still wasn't keen on going all the way to the back. So I just made him work the area he was comfy, extending closer to the woods with our circles. We'll progressively work our way to using the entire field. However, that's just desensitizing him to the area and doesn't address the stop.

What do you suggest? Despite the severity of his last run, I wasn't scared and never felt like I remotely might come off. (I'll actually say score one for us/me there) but no matter if it's a bug, a deer, a yetti - I don't care. If I want him to whoa, he better sit it down. Is this a potential dominance issue even - simply being obstanant? If that's the case what should I work on?Anyways... as always your thoughts are appreciated, whenever you get around to it. :)

Melissa said...

Thanks for reminding me that I want to barrel race and not bake cookies!

I always find it amusing that the "Becky's" of the world love to talk down to us while sitting on the fence.

Redsmom said...

Mugwump, thanks for your input. I will implement this p.m. and report.

Autumn, good luck and be careful especially of hanging branches! Wear your helmet! Even if you don't fall, you can get whacked in the face and it smarts! The helmet visor deflects its little.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

I loved this one. There will always be some asshole telling you that your horse isn't good enough or you are not good enough.

The fun part is when you stomp their ass into the ground at a show. That makes it ALL worth it.

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