Friday, February 24, 2012

If People Were Horses

Just think how much simpler life would be if we were more like horses.

When we gathered around the dinner table the meanest one would get dessert first. Then the mean one would get to walk around the table and eat off everybody's plate and it would be considered good manners.

If our ribs were showing nobody would call it a "bikini body," they would call a rescue organization.

The bigger our butt the more desirable we'd be.

When our Grandma calls us "big-boned," it's a good thing.

If we didn't like somebody we could scream and kick them. Nobody would get arrested or question our motives.

If we DID like somebody we could still scream and kick them and we'd be forgiven.

When the mean girls in the clique snubbed us we could eventually win them over by following them around and looking sad. Then we could scream and kick them too.

Being big, fat, crabby and mean would only make you more popular.

Communication would be so much simpler.

If a woman didn't like a man she would scream and kick him.

If she did like him she would scream, kick him and then pee on the floor.

No conversation, no flowers, just scream, kick and pee.

You guys are inspiring me! so I'm adding on!

We would never have to do Kegel exercises. Out of control bladders would be sexy.

Farting when we ran would be a sign of high spirits.

Farting during dinner would simply mean we have good digestion.


26 comments:

Becky said...

Congratulations, Mugs. I'm pretty sure everyone here in my office thinks I'm having some kind of weird epileptic fit, because I am making some very weird noises trying to squelch my laughter so I'm not caught.

Punks Kid Rock said...

This post was HILARIOUS. I laughed out loud- thanks! :D

mugwump said...

Some might say I'm spending too much time on the computer...

jenj said...

Wow, thanks for that laugh! Totally needed that today. SNORT!

scsarah said...

I didn't even try to hide my hysteria......I might have even peed on the floor! Ahh Depends.....lifesavers they are!

mugwump said...

scsarah has a boyfriend!

scsarah said...

Mugs.....I don't NEED a boyfriend to pee on the floor! A good hardy laugh and I can dribble!

Besides, I didn't kick or scream.....

Kel said...

I'd definitely be a big-butt, big-boned mare, somewhere in the middle of the hierarchy.

Maybe growing up into adults takes away the tendencies to act like how the rest of the animal kingdom does -- it's quite common for little girls to show that they like certain little boys by beating them up (the screaming and kicking part)...I don't thinking peeing comes into play though. :)

Allenspark Lodge said...

There are no words to tell you how happy this post made me, so I'll just run around buck'n and fart'n.

Bill

Liz Stout said...

This might be the greatest thing I've ever read...

SunnySD said...

I just snorted coffee out my nose, got the cat wet, and now she's mad at me - too funny, thanks! (Although the cat doesn't think it's at all entertaining.)

gtyyup said...

Way to go!!! Can't quit giggling.

Mandie said...

I really needed that laugh, thanks Mugs! :) Wish I could share that to FB, all my horsey friends would be rolling! lol

mugwump said...

Mandie -It's will show up on my FB page...probably tomorrow.

Mandie said...

Never mind, I'm having a blonde moment! Found the share button lol.

TBDancer said...

I've always wanted to come back as a quarter horse just so the size of my hips and butt were a GOOD thing ;o)

mugwump said...

TBDancer - Even a TB butt would work....

scsarah said...

Rowdy and robust gut sounds would be sexy as well.

Breathe said...

I totally work in an office like that.

Funder said...

Oh god, I'm gonna die, that's the funniest thing I've ever read. Scream, kick, and pee.

luvredponies said...

That was just the laugh I needed! I don't think I would want to come back as a horse because i'd end up on the FUGLY blog being made fun of! Nothing like having Quarter Horse hips and an Arab chest with a Roman nose!

Chris said...

Mugs, this is a scream!
Where are you on FB?
I want to share this with my friends!

mugwump said...

Chris - if you go to the bottom of the posts there's a FB link.

nagonmom said...

Love this line of thought.
If someone asked you to do something you didn't like, you could pin your ears and bare your teeth. I have always wanted to to that!
You could nibble your friends and bite your enemies.
You could scratch your butt with your teeth! And scratch your ears with your feet!
Guys could snake their heads and prance to show off, necks arched.

mugwump said...

nagonmom- gals could group together and walk off, totally ignoring them...wait, we already do that.

KD said...

hehehe - funniest comment was -
scsarah has a boyfriend! :-)

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