tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post3310582429643465926..comments2024-01-03T03:28:48.980-07:00Comments on mugwump Chronicles: Horses and DepressionMugwumphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01487540636265322556noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-16836214495938567552012-12-26T14:39:38.043-07:002012-12-26T14:39:38.043-07:00Moderate depressive disorder, Panic Disorder, Gene...Moderate depressive disorder, Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder--yep, I'm a real alphabet soup, but the anxiety problem is the worse by far. I now not only have a good psychiatrist, but a good psychologist too and am doing REBT (Rational Emotional Behaviour Therapy, sort of the father of cognitive behaviour therapy) along w/other things. But without meds, I can't get far enough into clear thinking to do the therapies. Horses help me. I am at my most clear and present when with my horses. I am not worrying about everything while I am with my horses. Of course, when I am having an anxiety attack, I do not try riding since the leader of the outfit had better be in their right mind!<br />Thanks for your blog, Mugs. OldMorganshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03468535860419630648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-84226925515828784672012-12-21T13:22:17.425-07:002012-12-21T13:22:17.425-07:00I've likened it to type 1 diabetes.
"Wow...I've likened it to type 1 diabetes.<br /><br />"Wow, you're pretty, and smart, and have a good education. It's all in your head. Your pancreas would work just fine if you'd think positive."<br /><br />Body chemistry is fascinating and frightening. Certain mental health issues can be influenced by stress reduction techniques, positive thinking, etc. But when your dopamine levels are in the toilet on test after test, and your ammonia levels are high, and your methylation cycles just doesn't run correctly, all the positive thinking in the world means exactly NOTHING.<br /><br />I'm in the club of chronic dysthymia/depression with all too frequent bouts into major depression. People DO NOT understand how a person can hold it together and do their job proficiently everyday, but everything not that job (and personal hygiene immediately before your paying job) is just too much.<br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br />Thanks for being open with all of us Mugs. We salute you! :-)Bifhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07648037666735227722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-30627064190726685012012-12-18T06:30:15.272-07:002012-12-18T06:30:15.272-07:00Reading about how many of us deal with depression ...Reading about how many of us deal with depression makes me more determined than ever to keep this blog reader friendly.<br />Horses give so many of us solace, I really want this to be a safe place to come read. <br />It's got me rethinking the trolls. Yes, they'll definitely get booted off, but maybe with an explanation of how things work and an invitation to lighten up and hang around.<br />We could become the anti-trolls. <br />The Troll Tamers if you will.<br />mugwumphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00319060800328355056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-48902517575133207652012-12-15T10:40:51.006-07:002012-12-15T10:40:51.006-07:00I want to say how impressed I am, Mugs, with your ...I want to say how impressed I am, Mugs, with your newfound willingness to share your more personal struggles with us all! <br /><br /> I'm horsaii and have the big D too. Been on meds for 12 years or so. Was depressed as a child, although not diagnosed but it became more of a problem after the death of my mom at 52 from cancer followed by the suicide of my dad a month later. I floundered around without much help other than occasional therapy until I quit smoking 15 years later. Then whammo it knocked me down. I'm one of the lucky ones who meds really work well for. Sometimes the black cloud breaks through but it's minor compared to what some of the others describe. I was just talking to my brother about his depression yesterday. He's not on meds because he just has "episodes" and he hasn't found one that doesn't have a ton of side effects. I'm almost thankful, that if I have to have this condition, it wasn't episodic as I think people who have bouts of depression, severe as it may be, are less likely to seek help than those who suffer it on a more constant basis. Medication has been my lifesaver and I encourage people who think they can tough it out to be open to trying it.flyin'horsehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10712046674798145103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-73356579214091979142012-12-15T07:18:24.700-07:002012-12-15T07:18:24.700-07:00In my opinion, one of the greatest therapeutic qua...In my opinion, one of the greatest therapeutic qualities of horses and animals is that they do not speak out loud. I think that this promotes self-reflection, which is also therapeutic even if it can be painful. By this, I do not mean wallowing, I mean taking control of the things that matter even when it seems impossible. <br /><br />I love nothing more than staring into my horse's big eye and seeing him look back into mine. After a very rough couple days at work, I asked my barn mates what on Earth people without horses in their lives do on a Friday evening.Valhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07335385366138424092noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-16437407337389524702012-12-15T06:18:01.679-07:002012-12-15T06:18:01.679-07:00Heila, , you raise a very interesting idea with yo...Heila, , you raise a very interesting idea with your last post. I will have to think about it for a while, but I bet you are really onto something there. I too fear being told "it's just real life", and while my shrink is excellent and contines to help me enormously, mostly through medications, he did once make that pronouncement. But I think you're right, if you start thinking you may need to check in, you're probably fragile anough to need to already. Thanks. shadowlake2005https://www.blogger.com/profile/04750706170718003186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-56005982579109078392012-12-15T01:24:19.547-07:002012-12-15T01:24:19.547-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.Heilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10115300526657295504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-91165791416363929852012-12-15T01:17:26.957-07:002012-12-15T01:17:26.957-07:00Jen... another of my danger signals is when I'...Jen... another of my danger signals is when I'm not doing well but I think if I go and see my doc / psychologist they will "laugh" at me because the situation is really not that bad. If I just try a little harder I can function well enough, I'm just being silly... does that sound familiar at all? <br /><br />In my experience, when I start second guessing myself about whether or not I need an appointment with my health care professional then I should have made the appointment already. That second guessing is a symptom. It helps if you have family or close friends who know you well and can affirm the need to seek help when you are struggling to make up your mind about it.Heilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10115300526657295504noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-16339831786452596012012-12-14T23:42:38.736-07:002012-12-14T23:42:38.736-07:00Mugs
I have been following your blog for a very l...Mugs<br /><br />I have been following your blog for a very long time. I want to say thank you soooo much for talking about this subject.(along with your AMAZING stories)<br /><br />I have been battling Depression for my whole life. I believe it is something I was born with. I was an angry moody child. Through my teenage years I spent a lot of time either sleeping all the time or not sleeping at all. I missed classes, had no interest in friends or life in general. I carried a white hot rage around with me. As a small child I would run away from home weekly. I spent more time in the principles office than I did in class. After I turned 11, I would black out and beat the hell out of my sister, mother and my mothers boyfriend. I honestly don't remember doing it or wanting to do it. At 15 I went on meds off and on until I was 18. Different brands, different dosages trying to get it right. Nothing helped, except the horses. From 16 to 18 I left home three times to work on farms. It was the only time I did not need to be medicated to function like a normal human being. In public I would have panick attacks. I couldn't ride the bus or subway without losing my marbles. When I would come back home thinking I was cured I would fall back into the depression worse than before. Panic attacks would happen at home. I couldn't sleep. I would run at 7 am every day to put myself to sleep for two hours, if i was lucky. It got so bad I attempted suicide six times. OD'ing, cutting myself, trying to jump off bridges. I remember the summer before I turned 19 was the worst time of my life. I was commited twice for suicide attempts, my sister stopped me both times. The last time I sat in my room with a knife at my throat just wanting the pain to go away. Life was painful. I could not cry any longer. My body physically hurt from the pain my head created. I could not sleep I could not eat. I would sit on the couch and stare at blank walls for hours on end. Emotionally I was dead. When I was with the living, I fought with everyone. Physical fights would break out between my mother and myself. I cannot count or remember the amount of times I hurt her. I hated myself and everyone around me. My mother sent Me to therapy. I would refuse to talk to anyone. They did not understand. I felt judged by everyone who knew my "story". Finally she sent me away to a friend of a friend who had a farm. It took months for the fog I lived in to leave my body. I spent a long time in the fog. To be completely honest the fog was comforting. Eventually I was able to function like a normal person. I could interact with people outside of the barn and away from the horses. <br /><br />At 28 I still battle depression every day. I do not take medication. I have learned to read my body and fight away the fog. I can go weeks and sometimes even months without a deep depressive state coming over my body. But I know when it comes, it will be a bumpy road for awhile. My first sign is tears. They come very easily. I tend to become upset over everything. My creativity goes to pot. Then the sleep pattern starts to change. I'm sitting on the verge of it now. I know what it's like to crawl into bed and never want to leave. To think the world would be a better place without you in it. To not eat and not sleep for days. I fight my body daily to "pull up my bootstraps" and get "my $hit together". I keep motivational saying around my apartment as well as things that smell of horse. It keeps me pointed in the right direction until I can get my horse fix. The horses alway help. I am so glad to have horses in my life. Without them I would not be walking the planet today. Of that I am sure.<br /><br />Thank you Mugs for talking about something that affects us in the deepest darkest of ways. You my dear inspire me, even before you told your story. Thank you for being so brave.Monsters Groomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13693736297009103735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-29434249895915731822012-12-14T20:03:24.643-07:002012-12-14T20:03:24.643-07:00"Hi, I'm commenter #37, and horses saved ..."Hi, I'm commenter #37, and horses saved me from depression, too." LOL <br /><br />I've had depression for the last 8 years; the first time happened just prior to my husband deploying for 6 months, the second time was when he deployed for 13 months. I had every symptom in the book except two: I didn't want to hurt myself, and I didn't want to hurt anyone else. That's the only reason my doctor didn't put me in the hospital either time.<br /><br />At first, I didn't understand what it was. Why I had it. How to deal with it. My parents didn't want me to take drugs. My husband didn't know who I was anymore...I was not the person he remembered. He knew I was still in there, but he couldn't get "me" to come back out. I slept constantly. I attended to the basic needs of my son, my dogs, my home. Most days, the only thing that got me out of bed, besides putting my son on the bus, was the fact that I had a horse who was at the barn waiting for me. Even though he was at a full-care facility, just knowing he needed to see me every day, it made me get up. Get dressed. Drive to the barn.<br /><br />Most of the time, I didn't ride him. I just brushed him, or hung out watching him graze. He always seemed to know when I wasn't doing well; he'd stick a little closer to me than usual. Just the smell of his fur, running my fingers through his mane and tail, watching his lips pick up a tiny piece of grain off the floor was all I needed to feel just a little bit better.<br /><br />Now I know what my "signs" are. I don't feel like riding. I don't think about what I need to work on for show season. I don't talk as much, and when I do, it's usually in short sentences or even just a word or two. I don't react to situations like I normally would. I don't show emotion.<br /><br />I'm grateful that I have an awesome doctor, who has worked with me to find the right meds to balance me. I take both Zoloft and Wellbutrin, and it seems to be the right combo for me. I feel better than I have in years. <br /><br />Needless to say, my husband is happy to have his wife back. My son is happy because I'm happy. My parents are more understanding of my situation, and prefer the "new" me to the "old" me. <br /><br />And my horse, I credit him above all others for keeping my head above water when it was too easy to let myself drown. <br /><br />To this day, my favorite thing in the world is to sit in his stall and listen to him munching hay.<br /><br />Kudos to you, Mugwump, for being brave enough to share your story with us. You are most definitely NOT alone in your struggles.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-2530224613810119402012-12-14T10:22:44.740-07:002012-12-14T10:22:44.740-07:00Now, if we could just get our horse expenses tax d...Now, if we could just get our horse expenses tax deductible as a legitimate medical expense. I know it certainly has helped me more than the pills I used to take. It even helps my arthritis more than medication. <br /><br />Yesterday the sun was shining and I got to ride, which for mid-December (no indoor) was just wonderful. My horse was boring, which is a wonder in itself. Last night I slept very well, dreamed about horses, dreamed about being on an island with horses, I didn't want to wake up, but I was happy when I did.<br /><br />Hi, I'm Deborah, and I'm hopelessly horsaii, and I don't want a cure.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-91169561358044545022012-12-14T09:34:38.705-07:002012-12-14T09:34:38.705-07:00Thank you for your post. My son, who is now 36, ha...Thank you for your post. My son, who is now 36, has suffered from depression since a pre-teen. My favorite comment: what does he have to be depressed about? People just don't get it. Having depression is not a choice that he made. He is no more able to decide to not be depressed than anyone else with a serious illness can simply to not be ill. He's on medication that mostly keeps him balanced, but there are those days. Again, thank you for all your writing and sharing.Sunstruckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11985280468552710430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-83011136626804731822012-12-14T09:01:32.184-07:002012-12-14T09:01:32.184-07:00Yep, me too. Welcome to the club!
I have Type 1 ...Yep, me too. Welcome to the club!<br /><br />I have Type 1 diabetes so that doesn't help.<br /><br />Therapy wise, I did cognitive-behavioral therapy for a couple of years, learned all the techniques, but what made them *stick* was adding medication. I started off on Zoloft, switched a bunch of times, and eventually ended up on Welbutrin. It's a lifelong thing for me, if I want to function well. The medication slows down my emotional response enough that I can get the C-B stuff working. What a lot of people need are both types of therapy, but it's hard to get without paying a lot of money.quietannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05710112022047395861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-12990585462236998122012-12-14T06:38:18.382-07:002012-12-14T06:38:18.382-07:00smazourek - Nah...this club meeting is "Hi, I...smazourek - Nah...this club meeting is "Hi, I'm Mugs and I'm hopelessly Horsaii."<br />The rest is just window dressing.mugwumphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00319060800328355056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-37704022566461716172012-12-14T06:23:32.856-07:002012-12-14T06:23:32.856-07:00This is like a club meeting- hi, I'm Shannon a...This is like a club meeting- hi, I'm Shannon and I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I can say that if it weren't for a certain copper colored Arabian I wouldn't be here today, so horses saved me too. That and St. John's Wort. I'm not normal, but I'm better, and most of the time that's good enough. I'm still working on the rest.smazourekhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03029180368325070266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-63892664317686418892012-12-13T20:15:33.493-07:002012-12-13T20:15:33.493-07:00Thanks for giving me an insight to depression. I ...Thanks for giving me an insight to depression. I have been blue, but never stuck in a paralyzing depression. My heart goes out to you and all those who have written of their suffering. This post will help me to understand those in my circle who suffer with depression. KDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06062208340163864225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-16594344733262989082012-12-13T19:57:15.636-07:002012-12-13T19:57:15.636-07:00Thank you, Janet. Depression is an evil bitch to l...Thank you, Janet. Depression is an evil bitch to live with, and if it weren't for my dogs and horses, I don't know where or if I'd be. It is so (no adjective appropriate) to know I am not alone in how I deal. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08517661975551361348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-11246123502923123592012-12-13T12:28:04.627-07:002012-12-13T12:28:04.627-07:00The Scientist Magazine arrived a the office today ...The Scientist Magazine arrived a the office today - featured story is about the recent findings about how insulin affects the brain and directly influences depression. Well, as a diabetic for the past 48 years I can attest to that.....<br /><br />When my blood sugar is high my horse avoids me. When it is normal she stays right with me. When it is low she gets agitated. Probably because my smell changes along with my brain.<br /><br />Barefooter, aka Judi, who still can't get an identity to work here.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-39476165049226539952012-12-13T11:00:08.784-07:002012-12-13T11:00:08.784-07:00Amen...
Thank you so much for being open about yo...Amen...<br /><br />Thank you so much for being open about your struggles. The healing you are promoting to all of us out here in cyber world can never be repaid; just know that you are loved and respected by us all.<br /><br />I have battled depression and have been in and out of therapy since elementary school (4th grade).. Three suicide attempts by age 15, I have survived. Parents and outsiders that said...it's all in your head...duh...and my head is saying to splatter my brains across the living room.<br /><br />Horses saved me.<br /><br />Fast forward to grad school...one week with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever (106.7 F temp) and I can say that the episodes have decreased to about once a year (down from over 7 a year). <br /><br />Horses still save me...all nine.<br />whisper_the_windhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15409292112360405250noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-70853390409716364602012-12-13T09:14:40.589-07:002012-12-13T09:14:40.589-07:00Mugs--you hit the nail on the head for me today. I...Mugs--you hit the nail on the head for me today. I've dealt with depression since I was a teen ager, probably even before that if I'm being honest. Horses are what even me out. When I can ride once a week, or even just go out and brush a mane out....I'm ok. Otherwise, I battle it everyday. My kids are fed, all the animals get fed, but that's not to say that I function at 100% capacity. My husband has never been depressed a day in his life and struggles to understand my issues. Thank you for sharing this and making me feel like I'm not the only one in the world that deals with it. Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01595151768163764556noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-77969597930431452812012-12-13T09:02:29.368-07:002012-12-13T09:02:29.368-07:00Once again, you bring such honesty that speaks so ...Once again, you bring such honesty that speaks so plainly. Insight is a very big step. A lot of people aren't there yet. But it is incredible when people, like yourself, are willing to open up and say: this stuff is real, this stuff can be handled, if you can acknowledge it, seek help, and plan. Because what you are doing is helping to normalize that process for all those who haven't come to that realization themselves.<br /><br />Be it depression, diabetes, or drugs.Wayfarerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00666719531216701030noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-80620650908656698382012-12-13T07:31:59.051-07:002012-12-13T07:31:59.051-07:00Jen - I also think it's vital to be in touch w...Jen - I also think it's vital to be in touch with a medical professional when I'm heading in a downward spiral.<br />The goal for me is balance (yes...it's a bit of a PD joke), if I need medication to find balance, physically or mentally, then I'm going to take it.mugwumphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00319060800328355056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-32904541905095816092012-12-13T07:13:37.249-07:002012-12-13T07:13:37.249-07:00Thank you Mugs. Today I went to work leaving my hu...Thank you Mugs. Today I went to work leaving my husband asleep on the couch, it has been 30 hours now that he has been sleeping. He has benign essential tremors, chronic dizzines and chronic migraines and has this past year talked more and more about "checking out". He's been to a lot of doctors and had a lot of diagnostics, none covered by insurance so he has about 6 grand of medical expense debt to be depressed about as well. Occasionally be "bucks up" and participates in the world. My salvation to endure is in my horses and my cats. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-46205231070233563932012-12-13T06:01:04.005-07:002012-12-13T06:01:04.005-07:00Hi Mugs,
Thank you for writing this, I read your ...Hi Mugs,<br /><br />Thank you for writing this, I read your blog a lot but haven't commented much.<br /><br />Your post came exactly in the right time. I had depression a few years back, was a while on drugs, then managed to get on without and only had a few dips down. Now...I'm shattered, tired, I cry often, I don't want to struggle anymore.<br />I loved what you write about analysing yourself, learning to see the warning signs.<br />Being honest with myself I know mine isn't a major depression, I get to work, I feed my animals, I'm sort of taking care of myself and sort of of my housekeeping. I am functioning. <br />What I worry about is...when is a struggle just a struggle (everyone has sad and exhausted days, everyone cries and feels tired) and when do you need help? I haven't gone back to the doctors, I don't want to take medication if this is just minor and maybe I can get through it. How long do you struggle before you need medical help?<br />Thanks again for writing this, today is a much clearer day and you have helped me to think more about myself.<br /><br />Thank you,Jennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4380534023229200743.post-6602396592818920612012-12-13T05:28:23.873-07:002012-12-13T05:28:23.873-07:00It's an awful thing when you feel that death i...It's an awful thing when you feel that death is not a bad idea & it is not possible to just "pull yourself together". Like the rest of the world I do suffer from mild depression at times but not without a cause.Post natal depression was awful,can remember lying on the settee crying because I didn't think I loved our second son as much as our first & hurt for him.Of course never even thought that I wouldn't be breaking my heart over a child I didn't love duh ! This lasted for about ten months & gave me an insight into the world of the people who suffer with depression in a real way. Did become depressed when I had breast cancer & was having chemo but when I slept well the clouds would lift a bit & think the biggest problem was the steroids I had to take so I wasn't sick. These made me so hyper I didn't sleep for days which left me low. I hope that those of you who are suffering with depression get the help you need when you need it & wish I could give you all a big hug,bless youmarykahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07836469433875199731noreply@blogger.com